My journey to Physical Fitness -- The beginning (Motivation)

This is a picture of me at my heaviest (it is from a cruise that my husband and I took to Alaska in 2008).  During that trip, I ran from cameras and Bill had to force me to take any pictures.  Pretty standard for most women when they are over 300 lbs, size 28, and trying to force themselves into size 3x clothing.  As you can see in the picture... Bill can barely put his arms around me. 


Yet this is not what motivated me to start becoming physically fit.  I had convinced myself that I was happy with my body at this size... even though I was in constant pain from my knees, ankles, and back.  Even though I had nightmares about falling down (which as I was very clumsy... I fell quite frequently) and Bill not being able to help me up.  I was sure that I was happy because I had a good happy marriage.  There was no way, I could be happy in the rest of my life and not happy in me... Could there?  But I wasn't happy in the rest of my life.  I was working over 60+ hours a week sometimes to 80+.  Most nights and weekends I was working as I brought work home.  I was miserable as I was unable to get pregnant after years and thousands of dollars spent on infertility treatment.  I was happy?  No...I was hiding my unhappiness behind layers and layers of FAT.  And I was slowly killing myself. 

After we adopted our son... I still did not lose the weight.  After I was laid off... I still did not lose the weight.  This is a picture of me three months after I was laid off and at my oldest son's first birthday party.  As you can see... I was still my happy self.  Still working myself into an early grave.  Was it the adoption of my second son that lead to me finally beginning to care about myself enough to stop this cycle?  I wish I could say that is was the actual adoption event of either of my sons... or the fact that God had granted me my wish to become a Stay at Home Mom.... But I cannot.

What finally convinced me that I was killing myself and that if I kept on this way I would be visiting an early grave.  It was a grave ... actually it was my father's grave site.  In August, I went to my dad's grave site to put some flowers on it.  I was amazed as I am each time I go there at how young my dad really was when he passed away. (he was in his 60's).  As I was driving back, Cole was talking to Will (babbling actually as at that time you could only understand about every 2 to 3 words... but they were happy words) and I realized that I was putting their happiness in jeopardy.  In 20 years I will be in my sixties and they will only be in their twenties.  I did not want my baby boys to go through at such a young age the pain that I went through when I was forty.  And that lead to my journey to physical fitness.  I am not there yet... but as this picture shows... I am no longer in size 28 / 3X clothing.  And after loosing  90+ lbs (now in size 14 / xl/lg clothing) , I am happier and healthier than I have been in almost 20 years.  My knees, ankles, and back don't hurt anymore.  I can keep up with a 2 year old and a 9 month old without falling down from exhaustion.  And Bill can put both arms easily around me... which he couldn't do in the first picture (added benefit... I am no longer ducking away from Cameras).

My goal for this journey is to be at 150 lbs (size 8/6  or  med/small)  that is over half my original body weight... I don't know if I will actually go down that far but we all must have goals.  In my next journey post... I will go over how I lost the 90+ lbs and what I am doing to lose the last 50 lbs.  I hope you will follow along with me on this journey and pray for me at the same time.


Samantha