Yet this is not what motivated me to start becoming physically fit. I had convinced myself that I was happy with my body at this size... even though I was in constant pain from my knees, ankles, and back. Even though I had nightmares about falling down (which as I was very clumsy... I fell quite frequently) and Bill not being able to help me up. I was sure that I was happy because I had a good happy marriage. There was no way, I could be happy in the rest of my life and not happy in me... Could there? But I wasn't happy in the rest of my life. I was working over 60+ hours a week sometimes to 80+. Most nights and weekends I was working as I brought work home. I was miserable as I was unable to get pregnant after years and thousands of dollars spent on infertility treatment. I was happy? No...I was hiding my unhappiness behind layers and layers of FAT. And I was slowly killing myself.
What finally convinced me that I was killing myself and that if I kept on this way I would be visiting an early grave. It was a grave ... actually it was my father's grave site. In August, I went to my dad's grave site to put some flowers on it. I was amazed as I am each time I go there at how young my dad really was when he passed away. (he was in his 60's). As I was driving back, Cole was talking to Will (babbling actually as at that time you could only understand about every 2 to 3 words... but they were happy words) and I realized that I was putting their happiness in jeopardy. In 20 years I will be in my sixties and they will only be in their twenties. I did not want my baby boys to go through at such a young age the pain that I went through when I was forty. And that lead to my journey to physical fitness. I am not there yet... but as this picture shows... I am no longer in size 28 / 3X clothing. And after loosing 90+ lbs (now in size 14 / xl/lg clothing) , I am happier and healthier than I have been in almost 20 years. My knees, ankles, and back don't hurt anymore. I can keep up with a 2 year old and a 9 month old without falling down from exhaustion. And Bill can put both arms easily around me... which he couldn't do in the first picture (added benefit... I am no longer ducking away from Cameras).
My goal for this journey is to be at 150 lbs (size 8/6 or med/small) that is over half my original body weight... I don't know if I will actually go down that far but we all must have goals. In my next journey post... I will go over how I lost the 90+ lbs and what I am doing to lose the last 50 lbs. I hope you will follow along with me on this journey and pray for me at the same time.
Related Posts : Life, weightloss