One of the reasons, our adoptions were so quick is that both boys were premature... Cole's birth was 6 weeks after placement with birth mother and Will's birth was one week.... Cole was premature by 5 weeks and Will by 7 weeks. That is one of the risks with private adoptions. The other risk is the birth mother's in private adoptions are more likely to be older birth mothers (30 years and up) who have lived a high risk lifestyle... potentially drugs and alcohol. The young birth mothers and couples giving up babies for adoptions tend to work with agencies... not private attorneys. As they are few and far between and have their pick of the young well to do prospective adoptive parents. Like I said earlier... most agencies (outside of VOA and a few church based agencies) won't work with an adoptive couple who are over 45 years of age for a newborn (or are getting close to that age as the agency process routinely takes three years or more). Where as a facilitator, advocate, or private attorney will. But I would not use a facilitator if you are not willing to accept some risks... the impact of meth and alcohol on a baby are horrible... but the reality is that only a small percentage of the babies exposed to either drug have the horrible negative defects or diseases.
In our case, both birthmothers stated that they had not used either meth or alcohol during the pregnancy. Both boys were tested upon birth at the hospital and both were negative to meth and any other drug. In other words, if the birth mother did abuse during the pregnancy, God kept it from crossing the barrier to the baby and protected the our sons. The potential medical issues are something that as an adoptive parent you have to make a decision before you go into the process that you are willing to take the risk on and know what your limits are… both Bill and I felt when each of our boys were presented to us that these were our sons and no matter what the medical situation, the Lord wanted us to be their parents. A lot of prospective adoptive parent's are not willing to take the risk of these children and so their adoptions take longer. Each couple has to reach that decision themselves…what we were willing to accept is not what others may be able to accept…. And there is nothing wrong with that.
We prayed about each child and received affirmation from God and were blessed with two healthy boys. The issue with Will's head has to do with a 6'9" birth father and an underweight birth mother ... so Will was not able to turn around and got stuck in her pelvis region for the last five weeks that he was in the womb so his head was not rounded on one side it was more angular than it should have been. And it is being corrected by a cranial helmet (another post on that subject at a later date) and is almost 100% corrected as I write this post. But even if, our son’s had been born with negative medical conditions… God blessed us by giving us the joy of being parents, the joy of raising two boys to become Men of God, and the joy of going through all of the trials and tribulations that parenting is. I am thankful for these gifts.
Adoption is not a process that I would go into lightly or without much prayer. But the moment you hold your child in your arms, you know that all of the heartache, tears, fears, worry, financial drain, and physical drain … it is all worth it. And your child is a part of your heart. Please know that if you need an experienced ear to listen to or a shoulder to talk to... we are here and we've been there… and we are praying for all who consider adoption as the road to parenthood… it is a bumpy one but with God driving it can be smooth and glorious.